It's been a while since Dad died and I've not been as vocal since as I was before. I don't know why that is the case - it just is. It is strange though. I mean, I was doing an update every week (at least) and haven't done for a few weeks. Best not dwell - I suppose some psycho-analyst will or could come up with a reason but I don't care.
Since Dad died on the 15th June we've all just kind of gotten on with life. Mum is continuing to bear up really - exceptionally - well. I'm really proud of the way she has carried on since Dad passed. I know that she knows that if she needs me or Sister for anything all she has to do is ask. Mum comes over for dinner most Sundays now and goes for Saturday dinner with Sister.
I haven't been to see her midweek as often as I did before Dad went - it doesn't seem necessary at the moment. The new job hasn't helped though - I've been to Prague and Dublin in the last two weeks. I've not got anything major planned for the next couple of weeks though.
The Probate Application still hangs over me a little. It's one of those things that needs to be done - MUST be done - and it will get done soon. I'll make a promise now -
It Will Be Done By The Weekend of 5th August
There. No breaking that promise eh!
It is funny though. I've managed to create gaps between my memory of Dad as he was when he was fit and healthy, my memory of him dying and dead in hospital and my life now. It's almost like compartmentalising it all but it SEEMS like a continuum... I don't know what that means either but it somehow seems correct. Let me think about that some more.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
My Readings...
The following is from Mary, Dad’s sister. She can’t be with us today as she lives in Tasmania, Australia but she and her oldest son David visited us in March to see Dad and to say their farewells. She sent me this email by way of a final farewell:
TO SANDY - MY FAVOURITE BROTHER
Remember when you had to take me out with you? I was only little so you picked me up and put me behind some railings while you went off to play with your mates
What about the time you held me over the balcony? It was 3 stories up but it never occurred to us how dangerous it was.
How about when I lost my temper and threw a spoon at you? It clipped the back of your neck where you had a very ripe boil…..luckily I had locks on my bedroom door, so you couldn’t get to me….phew!
How about the time we went tobogganing? All we had was a tray! We were having fun when an American couple with a real sled joined us! Boy did we ‘move’ on that! When they had to go they gave us the sled OH BLISS!!
Then, on your 21st birthday party, I brought along a friend I’d recently made. You two hit it off straight away. I saw very little of her for the rest of the party. Her name was Carol.
When I met Ron, I was a young widow. You wanted to check him out, to make sure he wasn’t going to take advantage of me. You liked him at once and you told me…..”He’s older than me”….
The two of you went for a drink, bringing back some prawns for us all. We were lucky to get the prawns as you had driven back from the pub with the prawns on the roof of the car!
Then there was that visit to the local in Whyteleafe. On the way out of the pub you jumped over the chain link fence and fell over. Ron wondered where you’d got to ‘til he saw your head appearing and you both had a good laugh. You found out the next day that you had broken your wrist…
The best memory of all, forever etched on my mind, is you and Ron fixing Carols glasses. You were holding them and Ron was trying to fix this tiny screw in place. Your faces were so close together - Ron looked at you and planted a kiss on your cheek. It was hilarious! I can’t repeat what you said….
You are gone my love but the memories linger on. I love you brother dear, rest in peace.
The following is a piece written by Zoe, Dad's great-neice:
Uncle Sandy
Uncle sandy, how we know thee;
Always happy, loving, carefree,
Really funny, for us in your family,
And everyone else you used to see,
Always cheerful, Never tearful;
that's how I'll remember thee.
And I'll miss you ; Love 'Zoë
XXxxXX
X
Monday, June 26, 2006
FUNERAL DETAILS
The details are:
12h15 Thursday 29th June at Eltham/Falconwood Crematorium.
Family flowers only please.
Donations to Cancer Research UK, MacMillan Nurses and the Eleanor Nurses. See links on right hand side. The Cancer Research one is a dedicated one for Dad.
12h15 Thursday 29th June at Eltham/Falconwood Crematorium.
Family flowers only please.
Donations to Cancer Research UK, MacMillan Nurses and the Eleanor Nurses. See links on right hand side. The Cancer Research one is a dedicated one for Dad.
More...
Just before Dad died one of his investments matured. The idea was for the money to go to the purchase of a new car. Mum has never bought a car all by herself so I went with her the other Monday to help her choose. This was the day I spent with Mum sorting out the paperwork after Dad's death.
Mum has since done her sums and come to the conclusion that she cannot afford a new car so it's going to be the second hand C3 we saw the first visit. Mum went back to the Citroen garage on Sunday (she's owned two Citroens and likes them so there is no other choice!) to have a test drive of it. She's checked to see if her bows fit it in it - she has a recurve bow and a long bow, about 6feet long) so she had to check if they fit. Talk about a dominant buying feature. If they hadn't fit she wouldn't have bought the car!
Anyway the car was perfect so she decided to buy it there and then. They even took the old Citroen Xantia POS (piece of spit - ahem) in part exchange. She's just texted me to say that the insurance is sorted and she should be picking it up on Saturday. Good for her. It's great to see her taking ownership of a few things.
Must sign off now - I'll update things as and when.
Mum has since done her sums and come to the conclusion that she cannot afford a new car so it's going to be the second hand C3 we saw the first visit. Mum went back to the Citroen garage on Sunday (she's owned two Citroens and likes them so there is no other choice!) to have a test drive of it. She's checked to see if her bows fit it in it - she has a recurve bow and a long bow, about 6feet long) so she had to check if they fit. Talk about a dominant buying feature. If they hadn't fit she wouldn't have bought the car!
Anyway the car was perfect so she decided to buy it there and then. They even took the old Citroen Xantia POS (piece of spit - ahem) in part exchange. She's just texted me to say that the insurance is sorted and she should be picking it up on Saturday. Good for her. It's great to see her taking ownership of a few things.
Must sign off now - I'll update things as and when.
Threshers off licence
I went over to Mum and Dad's house (I'm trying to write Mum's House but it doesn't work at the moment) on Saturday and started the collation process ahead of the Probate Application. Going through Dad's filing system and paperwork was a very strange experience as this was an area which was his sole domain. Anyway, I think I've got 90% of it sorted and down on paper so I'll start the forms once the funeral is over.
=========
Talking of the Funeral, we've gone for an external caterer to feed the folks that turn up. I found her details at the funeral directors place. Lovely lady - she came round to see us when she realised we had reservations about letting a stranger into our house while we were out. Interestingly she came round with her partner/husband in the car because she didn't know who we were! Anyway, we have no reservations about her and we're leaving the key with the next door neighbour so she can come in and set up when we're at the service. So that's one problem sorted.
Anyway, I thought it would be nice to have some alcohol on hand for anyone wanting some on Thursday so I popped into my local Threshers store and spoke to the manager about getting some booze on sale-or-return.
I explained that I was running my fathers funeral from our house (not 200m away) and that I wanted to have enough beers and wine on hand to ensure that no-one went without. I didn't want to have loads hanging around the house afterwards (beleive it or not I hardly drink at home!) so I wanted to do it on a sale-or-return basis. Maybe a few cases of beer, a few bottles of wine and sherry and other stuff - not a lot but enough to cater for 40 people.
At this the "manager" got very sniffy - "well, the wine's on three-for-two at the moment so it won't be included but I suppose I could take a quarter of it back...". A quarter? I'm sorry - correct me if I'm wrong - but isn't sale or return supposed to be about buying the stuff you use or open and taking the rest back? I am very disappointed by this attitude and this lack of interest. I wanted to use a local store because I thought I would get a more personal service. So wrong. It just means I have another issue to sort out which could have been resolved with a little more imagination on the part of the store...
I am now going to get the beer and wine from Sainsbury's or Tesco's. I know they won't be too interested in a sale-or-return but I'd rather take advantage of the fact that their prices will be lower than Threshers. Stuff 'em. No more business to Threshers.
Well done Threshers at the Oval, Sidcup.
====
Uncle Jack and Uncle Les
I took a call from Mum this morning. Dad's Dad had two brothers, Jack and Les. Both these gents are still alive and are around 90 years old. Les is in hospital (I can't recall why) and won't be coming to the funeral but we've now heard that Jack most probably won't be coming either. He has been admitted to hospital himself with acute anemia (sp.?) and has been given six pints of blood. He's in the High Dependancy Unit which can't, itself, be a good sign. Good luck Great Uncle Jack and Great Uncle Les!
As an aside, in my family we have a special present for those people celebrating special birthdays. It started some years ago and the special present is a decorated loo seat. Jack is due to receive it as he was 90 a couple of months ago. Hopefully I can give it to Bryce (his son) on Thursday. We'll see if it is appropriate at the time.
=========
Talking of the Funeral, we've gone for an external caterer to feed the folks that turn up. I found her details at the funeral directors place. Lovely lady - she came round to see us when she realised we had reservations about letting a stranger into our house while we were out. Interestingly she came round with her partner/husband in the car because she didn't know who we were! Anyway, we have no reservations about her and we're leaving the key with the next door neighbour so she can come in and set up when we're at the service. So that's one problem sorted.
Anyway, I thought it would be nice to have some alcohol on hand for anyone wanting some on Thursday so I popped into my local Threshers store and spoke to the manager about getting some booze on sale-or-return.
I explained that I was running my fathers funeral from our house (not 200m away) and that I wanted to have enough beers and wine on hand to ensure that no-one went without. I didn't want to have loads hanging around the house afterwards (beleive it or not I hardly drink at home!) so I wanted to do it on a sale-or-return basis. Maybe a few cases of beer, a few bottles of wine and sherry and other stuff - not a lot but enough to cater for 40 people.
At this the "manager" got very sniffy - "well, the wine's on three-for-two at the moment so it won't be included but I suppose I could take a quarter of it back...". A quarter? I'm sorry - correct me if I'm wrong - but isn't sale or return supposed to be about buying the stuff you use or open and taking the rest back? I am very disappointed by this attitude and this lack of interest. I wanted to use a local store because I thought I would get a more personal service. So wrong. It just means I have another issue to sort out which could have been resolved with a little more imagination on the part of the store...
I am now going to get the beer and wine from Sainsbury's or Tesco's. I know they won't be too interested in a sale-or-return but I'd rather take advantage of the fact that their prices will be lower than Threshers. Stuff 'em. No more business to Threshers.
Well done Threshers at the Oval, Sidcup.
====
Uncle Jack and Uncle Les
I took a call from Mum this morning. Dad's Dad had two brothers, Jack and Les. Both these gents are still alive and are around 90 years old. Les is in hospital (I can't recall why) and won't be coming to the funeral but we've now heard that Jack most probably won't be coming either. He has been admitted to hospital himself with acute anemia (sp.?) and has been given six pints of blood. He's in the High Dependancy Unit which can't, itself, be a good sign. Good luck Great Uncle Jack and Great Uncle Les!
As an aside, in my family we have a special present for those people celebrating special birthdays. It started some years ago and the special present is a decorated loo seat. Jack is due to receive it as he was 90 a couple of months ago. Hopefully I can give it to Bryce (his son) on Thursday. We'll see if it is appropriate at the time.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Email from Sister
This was sent by my Sister the other night. I can't think of anything else to add except that I've taken names out as usual.
Paul
----- Original Message -----
Paul
----- Original Message -----
From: SISTER
To: AUNT
To: AUNT
Cc:
Sent: Sunday, June 18, 2006 11:32 AM
Subject: Hello my darlings..
Hello,
Well, what can I say...
I saw dad last, on Wednesday evening, when mum was helping him to eat his tea. Once finished, mum went to wash her hands. and I saw his right eye was sticky, and the left, watery, so gently wiped them, and told him as with every visit, that I loved him. He looked straight through me, but I knew it was the cataracts that made him stare like that. Anyway, we stayed until dad fell asleep. Then I drove mum to pick her car up, and followed her back home. I had been able, thanks to badger, to visit dad, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday of this week.
Mum informed me that the doctors had decided to take dad off all his normal medication, except for the morphine patches. That was a shocker in itself, as I realised then and there, that dad would have a matter of days left. Thankfully, I didn't let mum know how I felt, but she probably had thought the same when she was told earlier that day.
Well, I Finally got to sleep about 3-30 the next morning, I woke up crying for some reason, and thankfully before the boys woke up... Didn't think much of it at the time, washed my face and got the boys up, and started doing the normal daily school morning routine. As the day progressed, Tears fell, on and off till the time I had to collect the boys... Time flew faster than I realised. So by the time badger got home from work and We'd fed the boys and ourselves, it was too late to visit dad. So I went to mum instead. When I arrived, Mum was on the telephone to Paul. Once she finished talking to Paul, She told me that he was going to try and visit dad after the 8pm closure time of the ward. I told mum about my strange tearful day.
I'm glad the nurses let Paul visit dad..... as I think he'd been busy earlier in the week to visit. Plus I think dad was waiting to say bye bye to Paul. As it was later that same evening that Dad passed away. Mum phoned me and said it was time, Paul kindly collected both of us. We missed dad by minutes, we went to his side & said our fair-wells, Thank goodness dad is now at peace. later we left the hospital and went back to mum's for a cuppa and group cuddles etc. When I got home, Badger was awake and sat with me; anyway- by one-o'clock , We decided to gently wake the boys and tell them the news.. Bless them they took it really well.. I've kept them up-to-date, throughout dad's illness. After about half an hour or so, we took the boys back to bed and gave them long cuddles. We gave them the option of staying home or going to school later that morning, and that they could give us their answer when they woke up.
Well, Paul went to bed at approx 2-30, and I chilled for about hour and a half.
When the boys woke, they decided to go to school as normal. bless them; and Paul phoned his work and took the day off. I was fine all day, couldn't talk to people that telephoned, but I was ok, picked the boys up after school, then decided to phone mum to see if she was ok or if she needed anything...
Alas mum wasn't there to answer, First time in ages... Yes the answering machine came on... I'd forgotten about that.... and yes I heard dad's voice talking to me, for the first time in three to four weeks... F###, I wasn't expecting that... managed to leave mum a message to call back when she was about. put the phone down, and just crumbled.... that was it the tears flowed...
Anyway Saturday was fine went ok, no tears, and none so far today, so fingers crossed I don't start when Terry arrives in approx half hours time.
So that's it for now my loves... will let you know anything when or if it occurs.
Will close now, as I've been waffling for long enough.
Love you all
Take care of yourselves
Love <
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday, June 19, 2006
Down to business
After a weekend in limbo and conversations with Australia (thanks, guys - you were great) I got down to business today. I knew it was going to be a tough day and although it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be it was still hard.
First thing, I drove over to collect Mum and take her to the hospital again. Driving in through the gates brought a lump to MY throat - goodness knows what was going through Mum's mind.
We parked up and walked through to the reception area where we were met by Dawn who took us through to the "Bereavement Office".
What this is is a windowless room with zero character and zero warmth. Essentially this a place where the paperwork starts. Here we got the Medical Death Certificate - which stated what Dad died of, the place and date of death and some doctors signatures. But it enables you to start the process off. We got some extra forms for the funeral directors (to let them collect the body) and for the registrar. All in all it was a pretty horrid experience but it could have been worse. Credit to Dawn for making it softer and easier to go through. Thanks Dawn.
From the Hospital we drove the short distance to Woolwich Town Hall. Dawn had made us an appointment for 11h30 (thanks - we would not have thought of it!) so we got there ages early. We parked in a squallid car park on top of Sainsbury's and walked round to the Town Hall. We had hoped that they would be able to fit us in earlier but it was not to be. "Sorry love, we're fully booked" - sounds like a hotel but never mind.
As we had around 90 minutes to kill I took mum to a Caffe Nero for a coffee. She's never been to a Starbucks or suchlike before so I thought it would be a novelty for her. Quick as a flash she saw the "hot chocolate with marshmallows and double cream" and there was no persuading her away from it! We made short shrift of our respective drinks (mine was an iced coffee concoction which tasted a bit like a vanilla shake) and wandered back towards the Town Hall.
Once we'd whiled away the time, we eventually went in. Repeat admin from hospital and hang around while the Registrar fills in the forms. If you need to do this bear in mind you need the dead persons passport (it was what we were asked for) and some basic information. The real thing needed is the Medical Death Certificate. More hanging around while the things print out (we wanted five proper copies of the Death Certificate) and get signed and we're on our way.
We call in at my house on the way through for a coffee and a rest and recuperate. It's hard work this. It's not so much physically hard work but mentally and emotionally it's knackering.
Off we go again - this time to Sidcup High Street to talk to the Funeral Directors. Mother and Father In Law have recommended W. Uden and Sons and after just a few minutes it's easy to see why they get recommendations. Personal, friendly, but sombre and serious service from a member of the Uden family, Jason. Young lad but very good.
We've set the funeral for the 29th June.
Dad has asked to be cremated and for his ashes to be scattered at the Royal Hospital School Holbrook's Garden of Rememberance - so that's what we're going to do. Dad went there when it was a children of navy personnel school and spent many years there from a young age. He joined the Navy straight out of the Navy School.
The Royal Hospital School is a Public (private, fee paying) school these days but friends of Dads are still in touch with the School so going there should not be an issue.
After that intense 45 minutes we went back to Mum's and she got changed and we went to the Citroen garage - Dad had made investments some years ago which paid out while he was in Hospital and were earmarked for a new car. Mum is keen on another Citroen - maybe a C2 or a second hand C3. Talk about sublime to ridiculous.
A strange day then. Not as bad as I had anticipated but still hard work. Texts from friends have helped and messages received will continue to do so as we move forward toward the Funeral and beyond
Sorry for such a long post but today was an important day. I wanted to get a lot down so I could remember it. If others read it then that's cool too.
First thing, I drove over to collect Mum and take her to the hospital again. Driving in through the gates brought a lump to MY throat - goodness knows what was going through Mum's mind.
We parked up and walked through to the reception area where we were met by Dawn who took us through to the "Bereavement Office".
What this is is a windowless room with zero character and zero warmth. Essentially this a place where the paperwork starts. Here we got the Medical Death Certificate - which stated what Dad died of, the place and date of death and some doctors signatures. But it enables you to start the process off. We got some extra forms for the funeral directors (to let them collect the body) and for the registrar. All in all it was a pretty horrid experience but it could have been worse. Credit to Dawn for making it softer and easier to go through. Thanks Dawn.
From the Hospital we drove the short distance to Woolwich Town Hall. Dawn had made us an appointment for 11h30 (thanks - we would not have thought of it!) so we got there ages early. We parked in a squallid car park on top of Sainsbury's and walked round to the Town Hall. We had hoped that they would be able to fit us in earlier but it was not to be. "Sorry love, we're fully booked" - sounds like a hotel but never mind.
As we had around 90 minutes to kill I took mum to a Caffe Nero for a coffee. She's never been to a Starbucks or suchlike before so I thought it would be a novelty for her. Quick as a flash she saw the "hot chocolate with marshmallows and double cream" and there was no persuading her away from it! We made short shrift of our respective drinks (mine was an iced coffee concoction which tasted a bit like a vanilla shake) and wandered back towards the Town Hall.
Once we'd whiled away the time, we eventually went in. Repeat admin from hospital and hang around while the Registrar fills in the forms. If you need to do this bear in mind you need the dead persons passport (it was what we were asked for) and some basic information. The real thing needed is the Medical Death Certificate. More hanging around while the things print out (we wanted five proper copies of the Death Certificate) and get signed and we're on our way.
We call in at my house on the way through for a coffee and a rest and recuperate. It's hard work this. It's not so much physically hard work but mentally and emotionally it's knackering.
Off we go again - this time to Sidcup High Street to talk to the Funeral Directors. Mother and Father In Law have recommended W. Uden and Sons and after just a few minutes it's easy to see why they get recommendations. Personal, friendly, but sombre and serious service from a member of the Uden family, Jason. Young lad but very good.
We've set the funeral for the 29th June.
Dad has asked to be cremated and for his ashes to be scattered at the Royal Hospital School Holbrook's Garden of Rememberance - so that's what we're going to do. Dad went there when it was a children of navy personnel school and spent many years there from a young age. He joined the Navy straight out of the Navy School.
The Royal Hospital School is a Public (private, fee paying) school these days but friends of Dads are still in touch with the School so going there should not be an issue.
After that intense 45 minutes we went back to Mum's and she got changed and we went to the Citroen garage - Dad had made investments some years ago which paid out while he was in Hospital and were earmarked for a new car. Mum is keen on another Citroen - maybe a C2 or a second hand C3. Talk about sublime to ridiculous.
A strange day then. Not as bad as I had anticipated but still hard work. Texts from friends have helped and messages received will continue to do so as we move forward toward the Funeral and beyond
Sorry for such a long post but today was an important day. I wanted to get a lot down so I could remember it. If others read it then that's cool too.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
RIP Sandy Parkinson.
[Mum sent me a text tonight. "Dad not so good today. His breathing is shallower today and although he did eat and drink everything I gave him, he was not so eager".
I decided to go up to the Hospital myself. When I got there he was breathing in short sharp breaths, asleep. He is a little chesty and had a liquidy edge to his breathing - perhaps]
Well. That was the post I was starting to write when the phone rang. I went to the hospital this evening and Dad was breathing very badly. When I got there the breathing was weak but clear.
I had a suspicion that it wasn't going to be long so I told him how much loved him, that he should go now and be at peace. He would be remembered fondly and with much love by me, my sister and mum and all his other relatives and friends. "Godspeed Dad", I remember saying.
About nine o'clock he started to breathe as if he had phlegm in his throat. I called a nurse over and she agreed that it wasn't a good sign. She took his heartbeat and blood/oxygen and although the heartbeat was okay speed-wise it wasn't terribly strong and the blood/oxygen level was very poor.
It turns out that this is the so-called death rattle.
I got home from the hospital at about 9:45 or so after a drive to clear my head. I had a bite to eat and made a coffee - the remnants are in front of me as I type. The phone went about 10:15 and it was the hospital saying that he was getting much worse and could I bring mum in with me? I called her, explained the situation and went there. We picked up sister on the way and we were about 3 minutes from the hospital when my mobile went off.
It's a very strange feeling knowing what a caller is going to tell you even before you pick up the phone - let alone answer it. "I'm sorry Mr. Parkinson but your father has just passed away". Very gently, very sweetly, you hear the bad news. Your father has passed away. Your father has passed away.
As I've blogged before, those that pass quickly leave behind people who have had no chance to accept a loved one is dead but the passing is better for them. Those that pass slowly make it easier on those left behind to come to terms with their leaving but it is usally more difficult for them.
Dad has been asleep for most of today and he was almost certainly asleep when he died. He looked very very peaceful when we saw him. He was still warm and it was almost like he was asleep still. The only difference was the lack of snoring. The lack of everything really.
Now we have to move on. Tomorrow I will go to the hospital and collect his stuff. On Monday Mum and I are going to the Bereavement Office to collect his Death Certificate and then we have to go to the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths to notify the Authorities. The Registrar of Hatches, Matches and Dispatches is the lighter name for it.
Talking of funny - and it is funny whichever way you look at it - is the fact that dad was visited by and treated by the hospital chirpodist today. It's taken them 8 weeks to get their stuff together but at least he'll be walking up to the Pearly Gates with the Best Looking Feet in Heaven!
Godspeed Dad - God Bless You - we will always love you....
Paul.
...tears...
I decided to go up to the Hospital myself. When I got there he was breathing in short sharp breaths, asleep. He is a little chesty and had a liquidy edge to his breathing - perhaps]
Well. That was the post I was starting to write when the phone rang. I went to the hospital this evening and Dad was breathing very badly. When I got there the breathing was weak but clear.
I had a suspicion that it wasn't going to be long so I told him how much loved him, that he should go now and be at peace. He would be remembered fondly and with much love by me, my sister and mum and all his other relatives and friends. "Godspeed Dad", I remember saying.
About nine o'clock he started to breathe as if he had phlegm in his throat. I called a nurse over and she agreed that it wasn't a good sign. She took his heartbeat and blood/oxygen and although the heartbeat was okay speed-wise it wasn't terribly strong and the blood/oxygen level was very poor.
It turns out that this is the so-called death rattle.
I got home from the hospital at about 9:45 or so after a drive to clear my head. I had a bite to eat and made a coffee - the remnants are in front of me as I type. The phone went about 10:15 and it was the hospital saying that he was getting much worse and could I bring mum in with me? I called her, explained the situation and went there. We picked up sister on the way and we were about 3 minutes from the hospital when my mobile went off.
It's a very strange feeling knowing what a caller is going to tell you even before you pick up the phone - let alone answer it. "I'm sorry Mr. Parkinson but your father has just passed away". Very gently, very sweetly, you hear the bad news. Your father has passed away. Your father has passed away.
As I've blogged before, those that pass quickly leave behind people who have had no chance to accept a loved one is dead but the passing is better for them. Those that pass slowly make it easier on those left behind to come to terms with their leaving but it is usally more difficult for them.
Dad has been asleep for most of today and he was almost certainly asleep when he died. He looked very very peaceful when we saw him. He was still warm and it was almost like he was asleep still. The only difference was the lack of snoring. The lack of everything really.
Now we have to move on. Tomorrow I will go to the hospital and collect his stuff. On Monday Mum and I are going to the Bereavement Office to collect his Death Certificate and then we have to go to the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths to notify the Authorities. The Registrar of Hatches, Matches and Dispatches is the lighter name for it.
Talking of funny - and it is funny whichever way you look at it - is the fact that dad was visited by and treated by the hospital chirpodist today. It's taken them 8 weeks to get their stuff together but at least he'll be walking up to the Pearly Gates with the Best Looking Feet in Heaven!
Godspeed Dad - God Bless You - we will always love you....
Paul.
...tears...
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Slowly fading away...
I just realised the last detailed post was some time ago. Apologies for that everyone.
I thought I'd post the best picture I have of Dad.
In the past week we've had some evidence that Dad is weakening with some increased speed. Earlier this week he had a nasal-gastric tube put up his nose and down into his stomach. Essentially it was to alleviate gas that is building up in his stomach and has been causing some discomfort. We don't know why this gas is building up but the tube gave some relief. He has also been breathing somewhat shallowly and quickly and on Thursday he was put on nasal oxygen to assist his breathing. I guess if you have a cancer growing in the stomach and a load of hydrochloric acid there then some form of reaction will occur.
He has also had a lot of liquid retention, especially in his arms. According to the medical team the best way of reducing this is raise the effected limbs above the heart to allow the liquid to drain back into the rest of the body. However the contortions Dad needs to get into means compression of his chest area and this causes his breathing to be more laboured. They're trying to help - and they're doing a terriffic job - but I can't see how much more they can do.
He's basically immobile now. He can't move himself to any great degree and I think the cataracts that were diagnosed some time ago are coming to fruition. His eyes looked cloudy to me. Either way, when I saw him yesterday, he only vaguely saw me. I'm not sure he recognised me. A small mercy I suppose.
He eats reasonably well but now it's pureed food and Mum stays each evening to give him his Dinner - unless he's asleep of course.
He is slipping away from us I think. I don't know when but I hope it's quick and that he doesn't know about it. On the evidence of the past few days and weeks I think that's a fair guess of what will happen. We just don't know when the "old dos" will pass.
=====
Mum continues to "bear up" with some resiliance. I think she is still treating this as a Patient / Nurse relationship. Occasionally, and only occasionally, I hear her voice crack when she talk about Dad. I hope she has come to terms with Dad's situation by herself. Whenever I ask she says she's "fine"... I can't help but think this is going to hit very hard.
Sister is having trouble sleeping and has lost weight. She talks to Mum regularly - SMS and voice - but her working hours (home and work!) means she has trouble seeing Dad as often as she would like. I think this affects her too.
Me? I think I've come to terms with Dad's situation. It's very hard to self analyse but I think that the time between diagnosis and now has been long enough to ensure that I have let myself into it gently. We'll see when the time comes - who knows, I may turn into a gibbering heap.
It is a blessing for us that we've had time to get used to the fact that Dad is dying.
Someone once said to me that if someone dies suddenly and quickly it is better for them. It is worse for those left behind as they have that person ripped from them. If a person dies slowly it is better for those left behind as they have a chance to come to terms with their passing but worse for the person as they have to come to terms with their passing too...
True.
I thought I'd post the best picture I have of Dad.
In the past week we've had some evidence that Dad is weakening with some increased speed. Earlier this week he had a nasal-gastric tube put up his nose and down into his stomach. Essentially it was to alleviate gas that is building up in his stomach and has been causing some discomfort. We don't know why this gas is building up but the tube gave some relief. He has also been breathing somewhat shallowly and quickly and on Thursday he was put on nasal oxygen to assist his breathing. I guess if you have a cancer growing in the stomach and a load of hydrochloric acid there then some form of reaction will occur.He has also had a lot of liquid retention, especially in his arms. According to the medical team the best way of reducing this is raise the effected limbs above the heart to allow the liquid to drain back into the rest of the body. However the contortions Dad needs to get into means compression of his chest area and this causes his breathing to be more laboured. They're trying to help - and they're doing a terriffic job - but I can't see how much more they can do.
He's basically immobile now. He can't move himself to any great degree and I think the cataracts that were diagnosed some time ago are coming to fruition. His eyes looked cloudy to me. Either way, when I saw him yesterday, he only vaguely saw me. I'm not sure he recognised me. A small mercy I suppose.
He eats reasonably well but now it's pureed food and Mum stays each evening to give him his Dinner - unless he's asleep of course.
He is slipping away from us I think. I don't know when but I hope it's quick and that he doesn't know about it. On the evidence of the past few days and weeks I think that's a fair guess of what will happen. We just don't know when the "old dos" will pass.
=====
Mum continues to "bear up" with some resiliance. I think she is still treating this as a Patient / Nurse relationship. Occasionally, and only occasionally, I hear her voice crack when she talk about Dad. I hope she has come to terms with Dad's situation by herself. Whenever I ask she says she's "fine"... I can't help but think this is going to hit very hard.
Sister is having trouble sleeping and has lost weight. She talks to Mum regularly - SMS and voice - but her working hours (home and work!) means she has trouble seeing Dad as often as she would like. I think this affects her too.
Me? I think I've come to terms with Dad's situation. It's very hard to self analyse but I think that the time between diagnosis and now has been long enough to ensure that I have let myself into it gently. We'll see when the time comes - who knows, I may turn into a gibbering heap.
It is a blessing for us that we've had time to get used to the fact that Dad is dying.
Someone once said to me that if someone dies suddenly and quickly it is better for them. It is worse for those left behind as they have that person ripped from them. If a person dies slowly it is better for those left behind as they have a chance to come to terms with their passing but worse for the person as they have to come to terms with their passing too...
True.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!
Dad is 71 today. To be honest I wasn't sure he was going to make it this time last week.
Yay! Go Dad!!
Yay! Go Dad!!
Friday, May 26, 2006
MacMillan Nursing Donations.
I will be including links to the MacMillan Nursing folks here in the not to distant future. Please donate as much as you can to these amazing people.
ominous developments
Got a text from Mum this evening to say that Dad wasn't at all well and wasn't responding to stimuli. EEssentially he was asleep but not waking up. He responded to pain i.e. he went "ow!" but that was it. Dad had been fine this morning, he had had a good breakfast but didn't finish lunch and skipped his midday pills.
I got to the hospital at around 19h00 to find Dad in bed, protective sides up, a plasma substitute drip and a catheter in and him "asleep". Mum says she got there at three-ish as usual to find Dad asleep in his side-chair. She left him be but got concerned when he wouldn't wake up for her. She called the Nursing team over and they got him back into bed using the Patient Hoist. He didn't stir.
They took blood pressures and pulse etc and called for the Doctors. Blood pressure *very* low, hence the plasma drip - designed to increase blood pressure quickly and then followed it up with a saline drip.
When the Doctors came round they took Mum aside and said that it is not unusual for patients in this situation to have their heart just stop. He also said that they could resuscitate him but that it might cause further damage to Dad.
Mum then said one of bravest things I have ever heard her say - no. She said that they should not resuscitate him - let him go. It's what he would want. I totally and utterly agree. If he goes down hill from here then so be it. But no pain. No more pain. Let him be.
If there is any change overnight they will be in touch with Mum first but now they have my numbers to call if need be.
I got to the hospital at around 19h00 to find Dad in bed, protective sides up, a plasma substitute drip and a catheter in and him "asleep". Mum says she got there at three-ish as usual to find Dad asleep in his side-chair. She left him be but got concerned when he wouldn't wake up for her. She called the Nursing team over and they got him back into bed using the Patient Hoist. He didn't stir.
They took blood pressures and pulse etc and called for the Doctors. Blood pressure *very* low, hence the plasma drip - designed to increase blood pressure quickly and then followed it up with a saline drip.
When the Doctors came round they took Mum aside and said that it is not unusual for patients in this situation to have their heart just stop. He also said that they could resuscitate him but that it might cause further damage to Dad.
Mum then said one of bravest things I have ever heard her say - no. She said that they should not resuscitate him - let him go. It's what he would want. I totally and utterly agree. If he goes down hill from here then so be it. But no pain. No more pain. Let him be.
If there is any change overnight they will be in touch with Mum first but now they have my numbers to call if need be.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Sleepy...
Went to see Dad on Saturday. He was very sleepy. Seems like he is getting out of synch with day and night as he was asleep during the day and awake at night.
I'll try to go and see him during the week and see if I can get more sense out of him then.
Went over to see Mum on Sunday evening. Seems like she is doing okay but the constant travelling between hospital and home is wearing her down.
I'll try to go and see him during the week and see if I can get more sense out of him then.
Went over to see Mum on Sunday evening. Seems like she is doing okay but the constant travelling between hospital and home is wearing her down.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Something else to add to the list - cerebral atrophy
Mum went to the Case Conference about Dad yesterday. Turns out they have done CT scans of his back and his brain and they have now diagnosed Cerebral Atrophy - a shrinking of the brain - which explains some of his odd behaviour recently. He may also be harbouring/nursing an infection (the medical team thinks) so we have to wait and see.
They are talking about admitting him to a nursing home for 24/7 care as the cancer team has all but given up - he is too weak for more chemo (which is actually a blessing) and the medical team can't treat Cerebral Atrophy.
I can't help but thinking that this is evidence of Dad slipping away from us. I have no idea as to how long he has, it may be months, weeks or only days. The chemo will come back and get him anyway that much is certain. If his mind goes as well it will be worse for Mum to see him deteriorate mentally - that will hurt more.
Either way I don't want Dad to know about it - just go and be at peace...
We'll see...
Paul
They are talking about admitting him to a nursing home for 24/7 care as the cancer team has all but given up - he is too weak for more chemo (which is actually a blessing) and the medical team can't treat Cerebral Atrophy.
I can't help but thinking that this is evidence of Dad slipping away from us. I have no idea as to how long he has, it may be months, weeks or only days. The chemo will come back and get him anyway that much is certain. If his mind goes as well it will be worse for Mum to see him deteriorate mentally - that will hurt more.
Either way I don't want Dad to know about it - just go and be at peace...
We'll see...
Paul
Monday, May 15, 2006
In a room on his own
I went up to the Hospital on Saturday and saw the new room they have transferred Dad to. On the one hand it's a bight, airy, large room and he's on his own. On the other hand he's on his own. He hates being on his own.
Apparently the reason for the move was that they "needed his bed" - which is BS because they had the room he's in now! The truth is that he calls out a lot now - day and night - and it disrupts everyone else. It shows how far he has come because it wasn't *that* long ago that he was on a ward beig disrupted by someone else who was calling out all the time - and he was getting pissed off by it.
Dad was in reasonably fine form on Saturday. he was stuffing his face with sweets and fruit and sitting in the chair next to his bed. His mind was wandering a bit and it wasn't until he tried to get up that I saw how weak he really was. He has improved though at a general level - he has been moving with a Zimmer Frame but Saturday it was too much for him.
He had aCT scan during the week and it seems that the cancer has shrunk because of the chemo he's had. This confirms the conversation I had with the Doctor a few weeks ago - he thought it would do that and although this is good news it really only resets the clock. My guess is he has 6months. Maybe less.
The Doctors have been very clear from the start. The sort of cancer he has is treatable but not curable. Any remission he gets will be temporary - there is no cure. We just don't know when it will get him. As long as the pain (and he is in pain, all the time) is controlled and his quality of life isn't awful that's fine by me. The longer we have him the better.
There is a case conference on Thursday which I really want to go to but can't. My firm is exhibiting at a huge conference / exhibition on Thursday and Friday and I have to go to it. The double bummer is that the conference is just over the river from hospital - I suspect I will be able to see the hospital from the car park of the expo. Shit.
I know Mum will be disappointed but I just can't get the time off. I'm going to try but I just don't think it's going to be possible. We've been working towards this for months and I have to be there.
Apparently the reason for the move was that they "needed his bed" - which is BS because they had the room he's in now! The truth is that he calls out a lot now - day and night - and it disrupts everyone else. It shows how far he has come because it wasn't *that* long ago that he was on a ward beig disrupted by someone else who was calling out all the time - and he was getting pissed off by it.
Dad was in reasonably fine form on Saturday. he was stuffing his face with sweets and fruit and sitting in the chair next to his bed. His mind was wandering a bit and it wasn't until he tried to get up that I saw how weak he really was. He has improved though at a general level - he has been moving with a Zimmer Frame but Saturday it was too much for him.
He had aCT scan during the week and it seems that the cancer has shrunk because of the chemo he's had. This confirms the conversation I had with the Doctor a few weeks ago - he thought it would do that and although this is good news it really only resets the clock. My guess is he has 6months. Maybe less.
The Doctors have been very clear from the start. The sort of cancer he has is treatable but not curable. Any remission he gets will be temporary - there is no cure. We just don't know when it will get him. As long as the pain (and he is in pain, all the time) is controlled and his quality of life isn't awful that's fine by me. The longer we have him the better.
There is a case conference on Thursday which I really want to go to but can't. My firm is exhibiting at a huge conference / exhibition on Thursday and Friday and I have to go to it. The double bummer is that the conference is just over the river from hospital - I suspect I will be able to see the hospital from the car park of the expo. Shit.
I know Mum will be disappointed but I just can't get the time off. I'm going to try but I just don't think it's going to be possible. We've been working towards this for months and I have to be there.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Back in hospital
I went to see Dad at the weekend and was surprised to see a *totally* different person. The long and short of it is that he was happy, smiling, joking and much more like his old self. Given the previous visit - and although the experience itself was very enjoyable - I was a little alarmed at this turn of events.
It transpires that Dad has had is medication changed. Instead of being on a 25mg or 50mg morphine patch he is now on a 75mg patch and the "lollipops" are now being upped to 400mg - they'd kill pain in a bull elephant...
Dad was flying as high as a kite. It was an eye-opener. It made me happy to see and talk to the "old Dad" but the gloss was worn off knowing why it was happening. Also the occaisional cog-slipping event didn't help - he'd talk to my Sister and call her my Mum's name.
He's had a bone scan and the results were clear. That means the secondaries aren't in his spine which is good news but the pain he gets is from the spinal collapse he's having. He is also due to have CT scan to see what's happening in his brain. The Doctor's seem to have some concern about the brain - he was readmitted with odd side effects to the chemo. It may well be that secondaries have made it there...
Finally, the Occupational Therapists are making noises about Dads discharge. Discharge? You what? Thing is, no-one has spoken to Mum about Dad coming home - she's only just recovered from the last burst. When you factor in that Dad is essentially doubly incontinent, bed ridden and in constant pain (allbeit under controlling medication) it is hard to see how she is going to cope. She has been offered home help but - get this - she will have to PAY for it. They save money by chucking Dad out of Hospital and once he gets home he's going to have to pay for his care. Mum simply isn't strong enough to do the things that need to be done with a bedridden man. She's strong but she's no Hercules.
We do what we can but we can't be with her 24/7...
This sucks...
It transpires that Dad has had is medication changed. Instead of being on a 25mg or 50mg morphine patch he is now on a 75mg patch and the "lollipops" are now being upped to 400mg - they'd kill pain in a bull elephant...
Dad was flying as high as a kite. It was an eye-opener. It made me happy to see and talk to the "old Dad" but the gloss was worn off knowing why it was happening. Also the occaisional cog-slipping event didn't help - he'd talk to my Sister and call her my Mum's name.
He's had a bone scan and the results were clear. That means the secondaries aren't in his spine which is good news but the pain he gets is from the spinal collapse he's having. He is also due to have CT scan to see what's happening in his brain. The Doctor's seem to have some concern about the brain - he was readmitted with odd side effects to the chemo. It may well be that secondaries have made it there...
Finally, the Occupational Therapists are making noises about Dads discharge. Discharge? You what? Thing is, no-one has spoken to Mum about Dad coming home - she's only just recovered from the last burst. When you factor in that Dad is essentially doubly incontinent, bed ridden and in constant pain (allbeit under controlling medication) it is hard to see how she is going to cope. She has been offered home help but - get this - she will have to PAY for it. They save money by chucking Dad out of Hospital and once he gets home he's going to have to pay for his care. Mum simply isn't strong enough to do the things that need to be done with a bedridden man. She's strong but she's no Hercules.
We do what we can but we can't be with her 24/7...
This sucks...
Monday, May 01, 2006
The Cancer Talks...
I had a pretty horrible experience at the hospital today. I really heard the Cancer inside my dad start talking...
I went up to QEH to see Dad but the person in the bed was not someone I recognised. The angry, rude, and very unpleasant man was not the man - my Dad - who was so charming, happy and witty at the Cancer Clinic last week. I have never heard him say the things I heard him say to my Mum and I today.
They say that Cancer talks - I heard it today. My Mum and Dad have been married for nearly 46 years. Their wedding anniversary is next week. They've had their ups and downs but underlying it there has been love. There was no love in my Dad today.
The hateful things he said made me bite my tongue several times. I can't bring it in me to tell him off. The human being saying those things is NOT the man who is my Dad. That person is my Father but he is not my Dad...
Does that make sense? To me it does. Biologically he is my father - but I don't like him as a person like this. He can't help it - it's not his fault. It's the cancer talking through him, eating him up.
The confused state and the weakness which brought him back into the Hospital were caused by any of the following things. Things like the (strong) morphine based medication; the chemo he has been having or the cancer itself. Any one of these things could cause it - but it's probably all of them in one shade or another.
The main thing I have to do now is make sure of Mum. My sister and I are doing what we can but I wonder if it can ever be enough? She says her training (she was a nurse for some years) helps her manage but I worry. You cannot listen to the things he said today and come away unaffected. I didn't. I will go and see her later this evening and talk it through with her...
------------
I am sorry but transferring the blog entries to this new weblog meant that the feedback comments and postings were lost. :-(
My apologies for that - they are important to me but I also needed to set some distance between my Dad and my main blog. It is difficult to explain why - may be I am ringfencing my emotions? I don't know...
Here I will continue to post and tell the story but I thought it better (for me?) to keep some distance between them... Thank you all for the emails and comments I receive. I really do appreciate them.
May your God bless you for what you do.
Paul
I went up to QEH to see Dad but the person in the bed was not someone I recognised. The angry, rude, and very unpleasant man was not the man - my Dad - who was so charming, happy and witty at the Cancer Clinic last week. I have never heard him say the things I heard him say to my Mum and I today.
They say that Cancer talks - I heard it today. My Mum and Dad have been married for nearly 46 years. Their wedding anniversary is next week. They've had their ups and downs but underlying it there has been love. There was no love in my Dad today.
The hateful things he said made me bite my tongue several times. I can't bring it in me to tell him off. The human being saying those things is NOT the man who is my Dad. That person is my Father but he is not my Dad...
Does that make sense? To me it does. Biologically he is my father - but I don't like him as a person like this. He can't help it - it's not his fault. It's the cancer talking through him, eating him up.
The confused state and the weakness which brought him back into the Hospital were caused by any of the following things. Things like the (strong) morphine based medication; the chemo he has been having or the cancer itself. Any one of these things could cause it - but it's probably all of them in one shade or another.
The main thing I have to do now is make sure of Mum. My sister and I are doing what we can but I wonder if it can ever be enough? She says her training (she was a nurse for some years) helps her manage but I worry. You cannot listen to the things he said today and come away unaffected. I didn't. I will go and see her later this evening and talk it through with her...
------------
I am sorry but transferring the blog entries to this new weblog meant that the feedback comments and postings were lost. :-(
My apologies for that - they are important to me but I also needed to set some distance between my Dad and my main blog. It is difficult to explain why - may be I am ringfencing my emotions? I don't know...
Here I will continue to post and tell the story but I thought it better (for me?) to keep some distance between them... Thank you all for the emails and comments I receive. I really do appreciate them.
May your God bless you for what you do.
Paul
April 03, 06 - A wee update...
Monday, April 03, 2006
Time for a wee update...
I went over to see Mum and Dad on Sunday. The good news is that he was quite chatty, happy even but still very very tired from the second round of chemo he had last week. It really takes it out of him. I know he was in two minds about whether or not to have it. He wonders if the price he pays for having the chemo is worth the value he gets from it...
The other reason for going over was to fix the bathroom door back on to its hinges. How did it get to be off its hinges? A short story...
Those of you who have met me will know that I'm not a small chap. My Dad used to be about the same size. He shrunk a bit as he got older but he is still carrying a more kilos' than he ought to be. He's lost a lot of weight since he got ill but he's still a big lad. It takes three to carry him upstairs - remind me to tell you about the ambulance teams that come to take him to hospital...
Anyway, one day he is in the loo and his legs go all jelly like. He takes a slow motion, somewhat dignified slide down onto the bathroom floor. Problems are (i) he's landed on a leg and can't get up (ii) his remaining leg and butt are in front of the door (iii) the door opens inwards. So, you can understand the consternation in the house when Mum realises Dad is stuck in the loo - with no chance of escape.
Now, Mum rings 999 for a Paramedic team. Goodness only knows what is the other side of the door but she can't get in to find out. She knows he's alive and in some pain. The Paramedics arrive in about 10 minutes (which is a pretty good show) and assess the situation. Other than that Dad is still talking and he is in some pain (remember the leg?) they don't learn too much - except some new swear words.
Decisions decisions. The only real option is to take the door off the hinges. This has to be a last resort because if they get it wrong the door will crush the patient. They need to unscrew the door from the hinges, and move it backwords out of the door. But the door opens inwards so the hinges are hidden and they can't get to them.
What now? Club hammers and wrecking bars is what - paramedics actually carry this sort of gear in their ambulance. So off they went with the heavy duty surgical instruments. Amazingly they got the door off and out of the loo without crushing Dad and they hadn't done anything like the damage I had been expecting - do paramedics get DIY training I wonder?
It was actually a very straightforward job to rehang the door. I used 2" screws instead of the tiddlers that were used before but it was job done and the door works surprisingly well for one which has been through such abuse. We need to sand a tiny bit off the door where the hanging wasn't 100% exactly the same as last time but that's no hardship.
Mum and Dad (and any visitors) now have a little privacy when they need to use the loo. Well, Dad doesn't because he uses a commode in the bedroom but you get my drift.
It's funny how something which could have been so serious can seem so funny when you read about it. We take the humour every time at the moment.
I went to see the specialist about Dad a few months ago. He said then that Dad had 3 to 6 months - we're well into that now. Let's see what the future brings. A least we get a smile on our faces now... Is that a good thing?
Time for a wee update...
I went over to see Mum and Dad on Sunday. The good news is that he was quite chatty, happy even but still very very tired from the second round of chemo he had last week. It really takes it out of him. I know he was in two minds about whether or not to have it. He wonders if the price he pays for having the chemo is worth the value he gets from it...
The other reason for going over was to fix the bathroom door back on to its hinges. How did it get to be off its hinges? A short story...
Those of you who have met me will know that I'm not a small chap. My Dad used to be about the same size. He shrunk a bit as he got older but he is still carrying a more kilos' than he ought to be. He's lost a lot of weight since he got ill but he's still a big lad. It takes three to carry him upstairs - remind me to tell you about the ambulance teams that come to take him to hospital...
Anyway, one day he is in the loo and his legs go all jelly like. He takes a slow motion, somewhat dignified slide down onto the bathroom floor. Problems are (i) he's landed on a leg and can't get up (ii) his remaining leg and butt are in front of the door (iii) the door opens inwards. So, you can understand the consternation in the house when Mum realises Dad is stuck in the loo - with no chance of escape.
Now, Mum rings 999 for a Paramedic team. Goodness only knows what is the other side of the door but she can't get in to find out. She knows he's alive and in some pain. The Paramedics arrive in about 10 minutes (which is a pretty good show) and assess the situation. Other than that Dad is still talking and he is in some pain (remember the leg?) they don't learn too much - except some new swear words.
Decisions decisions. The only real option is to take the door off the hinges. This has to be a last resort because if they get it wrong the door will crush the patient. They need to unscrew the door from the hinges, and move it backwords out of the door. But the door opens inwards so the hinges are hidden and they can't get to them.
What now? Club hammers and wrecking bars is what - paramedics actually carry this sort of gear in their ambulance. So off they went with the heavy duty surgical instruments. Amazingly they got the door off and out of the loo without crushing Dad and they hadn't done anything like the damage I had been expecting - do paramedics get DIY training I wonder?
It was actually a very straightforward job to rehang the door. I used 2" screws instead of the tiddlers that were used before but it was job done and the door works surprisingly well for one which has been through such abuse. We need to sand a tiny bit off the door where the hanging wasn't 100% exactly the same as last time but that's no hardship.
Mum and Dad (and any visitors) now have a little privacy when they need to use the loo. Well, Dad doesn't because he uses a commode in the bedroom but you get my drift.
It's funny how something which could have been so serious can seem so funny when you read about it. We take the humour every time at the moment.
I went to see the specialist about Dad a few months ago. He said then that Dad had 3 to 6 months - we're well into that now. Let's see what the future brings. A least we get a smile on our faces now... Is that a good thing?
20 Mar 06 - Latest update
Monday, March 20, 2006
Latest update and Podcast Number 7
Dear All
The Australian contingent have arrived, safe and sound. Dad's sister and son (my Aunt and Cousin) got in to Heathrow on Thursday morning.
Friday was spent with Aunt at Mum and Dad's place whilst Cousin and I chilled out at home. I wasn't too well on Thursday or Friday (even though I was up at 04:00 on Thursday for the pickup) and went to the doctor's for medication for a painful throat/gland infection.
The weekend passed in a whirlwind of rellies from Norfolk coming down.
On Saturday, Aunt's UK based daughter came down with her three youngest children and her other half to meet "Nan" - who she had never met... My Sister came over with hers which meant we had 15 in the house for the day.
On Sunday we had the two oldest children over with their children - this time a total of 16 were "in da house"!
It was a very nice series of meetings with bridges being built, ancient misunderstandings being resolved new people being introduced to members of the family who had never met them.
Sunday evening though was a somewhat more somber affair. My Sister rang and said that Mum was having a terrible time of it at the moment.
Dad had had a fall in the toilet earlier in the weekend which left him on the floor with his leg caught under him. Unfortunately he fell in such a way that Mum couldn't open the toilet door and she had to call 999 to get help. The paramedics had to take the door off its hinges to get in. His leg is hurting somewhat and it has left him using the commode in the bedroom. Any self confidence he had seems to be evaporating away with some speed.
Dad is not eating properly and refusing his medication. He is also pretty well bed-ridden which means he is not able to get to the commode, let alone the loo, in time - the washing machine was on pretty well all day on Sunday. Dad is very weak, in some pain and totally dependent on Mum.
We spoke and I said that she ought to dial 999 and get Dad back in to hospital ASAP. Mum refused to do that and said she had a direct dial number to the Macmillan Cancer ward which would speed things up when she rang on Monday. I went to see her and while I was there Dad cried out for her again...
Today I got an SMS from my Sister:
"Mum waiting 4 doc to visit. As hosp have said she got to go through doc to get him readmitted again. Mum hadn't thought of that. 999 Would have been quicker. I'm home doing washing as Mum's washing machine is playing up. Not going day job. "Aunt" and "Cousin" there until doc comes."
I really hope Dad does get readmitted. He has gone down pretty quickly since he was discharged after Chemo #1. If he doesn't then I think he will finish the giving process he seems to have started.
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Janet and I did a podcast last weekend but we haven't been able to finish it what with one thing and another. I think we'll be on hiatus for a while.
To all my friends and readers at Podcast User Magazine and also at Britcaster please bear with me - I'm not in the right frame of mind to write anything for the magazine just at the moment. I aim to have articles for the May edition...
Thanks for all the kind words of support - it really does help.
Paul
Latest update and Podcast Number 7
Dear All
The Australian contingent have arrived, safe and sound. Dad's sister and son (my Aunt and Cousin) got in to Heathrow on Thursday morning.
Friday was spent with Aunt at Mum and Dad's place whilst Cousin and I chilled out at home. I wasn't too well on Thursday or Friday (even though I was up at 04:00 on Thursday for the pickup) and went to the doctor's for medication for a painful throat/gland infection.
The weekend passed in a whirlwind of rellies from Norfolk coming down.
On Saturday, Aunt's UK based daughter came down with her three youngest children and her other half to meet "Nan" - who she had never met... My Sister came over with hers which meant we had 15 in the house for the day.
On Sunday we had the two oldest children over with their children - this time a total of 16 were "in da house"!
It was a very nice series of meetings with bridges being built, ancient misunderstandings being resolved new people being introduced to members of the family who had never met them.
Sunday evening though was a somewhat more somber affair. My Sister rang and said that Mum was having a terrible time of it at the moment.
Dad had had a fall in the toilet earlier in the weekend which left him on the floor with his leg caught under him. Unfortunately he fell in such a way that Mum couldn't open the toilet door and she had to call 999 to get help. The paramedics had to take the door off its hinges to get in. His leg is hurting somewhat and it has left him using the commode in the bedroom. Any self confidence he had seems to be evaporating away with some speed.
Dad is not eating properly and refusing his medication. He is also pretty well bed-ridden which means he is not able to get to the commode, let alone the loo, in time - the washing machine was on pretty well all day on Sunday. Dad is very weak, in some pain and totally dependent on Mum.
We spoke and I said that she ought to dial 999 and get Dad back in to hospital ASAP. Mum refused to do that and said she had a direct dial number to the Macmillan Cancer ward which would speed things up when she rang on Monday. I went to see her and while I was there Dad cried out for her again...
Today I got an SMS from my Sister:
"Mum waiting 4 doc to visit. As hosp have said she got to go through doc to get him readmitted again. Mum hadn't thought of that. 999 Would have been quicker. I'm home doing washing as Mum's washing machine is playing up. Not going day job. "Aunt" and "Cousin" there until doc comes."
I really hope Dad does get readmitted. He has gone down pretty quickly since he was discharged after Chemo #1. If he doesn't then I think he will finish the giving process he seems to have started.
------------
Janet and I did a podcast last weekend but we haven't been able to finish it what with one thing and another. I think we'll be on hiatus for a while.
To all my friends and readers at Podcast User Magazine and also at Britcaster please bear with me - I'm not in the right frame of mind to write anything for the magazine just at the moment. I aim to have articles for the May edition...
Thanks for all the kind words of support - it really does help.
Paul
Mar 03, 2006 - Two posts
Friday, March 03, 2006
Update...
I've just got off the phone with my mum. At last we've had some news which isn't bad.
I got a text earlier saying that my Dad has been readmitted to Queen Elizabeth's Hospital after the appointment he had this morning. This *freaked* me out. I had to ring my Mum this evening (I couldn't go round as Janet is out this evening) to find out the news.
Apparently - and this is the best chunk of news we've had for what seems like ages - Dad has a rare form of stomach cancer known as a "small cell carcinoma" which is very sensitive chemotherapy. The chemo in this case acts very rapidly and shrinks the tumor well and in some can produce remission!
Now, there's a long road ahead. Dad is still very weak and the chemo will give him a bad time BUT (and it's capital-letter-type-but) there is a chance, however small, that we could get remission.
Before this news we had no weapons to fight with. Now we have a weapon. Lets hope (and pray) that this weapon is sharp, cuts cleanly and kills the damn cancer....
...onward flies the bird...
Paul
posted by Parkylondon at 9:15 PM | 3 comments links to this post
Dad...
Dad continues to weaken and gets increasingly poorly. He spends more and more time asleep, energy levels continue to drop and he's starting to lose his short term memory. Mum thinks this latter issue may well be because of metastases (the secondary cancer cells) starting to get into his brain. God, I hope not. I'd rather pray for a quick end than for him to lose all self respect by becoming a shell.
He had an appointment to kick off his radiotherapy yesterday so Mum got him up, fed and dressed (a huge task in itself) ready for the transport to St. Thomas' in London. The transport was due to pick him up at midday ready for a two o'clock appointment. The transport didn't show up.
Dad has been promised radiotherapy for five weeks now and he hasn't even been assessed yet. It wouldn't surprise me if he was deemed too weak for it now. This will really get to me as I've been pressing for it for some time. The specialist dad has been seeing went completely tonto when he realised that members of his (new) team had dropped the ball so comprehensively. Now he's an outpatient (Dad's fault, he should have stayed in but that's another issue) I'm not convinced that he's going to get the treatment he needs like this.
When Mum rang St. Thomas' yesterday they said they'd been having problems with their "taxi" service - TAXI? What do they think they're doing? My dad can barely walk, let alone get into a car....
Upshot is that he's been given an appointment today at Queen Elizabeths Hospital in Greenwich with the same specialist he was due to see yesterday. I don't suppose he'll get everything done at this session but it's better than nothing.
I'll see how this goes and then get in touch with the Consultant next week.
On a connected note, it looks like Dad's sister is going to fly in from Australia in the not too distant future. When that happens I'll let you know but I hope Dad holds out for her. She's coming in with her son, David, my cousin and I think they'll be staying for a couple of weeks. I think it's best that she comes in before the end rather than comes in for the funeral. Hopefully she won't be around for that.
I think it's starting to hit home now. Dad is going to die and I don't think it'll be too long if things carry on as they are.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, you don't consider the possibility of your parents being anything other than immortal. My Dad was a six foot two, strong as an ox, 30 year British bobby - his beat was the River Thames. Before that he did nine years in the Royal Navy. To see him as he now cuts me up....
Update...
I've just got off the phone with my mum. At last we've had some news which isn't bad.
I got a text earlier saying that my Dad has been readmitted to Queen Elizabeth's Hospital after the appointment he had this morning. This *freaked* me out. I had to ring my Mum this evening (I couldn't go round as Janet is out this evening) to find out the news.
Apparently - and this is the best chunk of news we've had for what seems like ages - Dad has a rare form of stomach cancer known as a "small cell carcinoma" which is very sensitive chemotherapy. The chemo in this case acts very rapidly and shrinks the tumor well and in some can produce remission!
Now, there's a long road ahead. Dad is still very weak and the chemo will give him a bad time BUT (and it's capital-letter-type-but) there is a chance, however small, that we could get remission.
Before this news we had no weapons to fight with. Now we have a weapon. Lets hope (and pray) that this weapon is sharp, cuts cleanly and kills the damn cancer....
...onward flies the bird...
Paul
posted by Parkylondon at 9:15 PM | 3 comments links to this post
Dad...
Dad continues to weaken and gets increasingly poorly. He spends more and more time asleep, energy levels continue to drop and he's starting to lose his short term memory. Mum thinks this latter issue may well be because of metastases (the secondary cancer cells) starting to get into his brain. God, I hope not. I'd rather pray for a quick end than for him to lose all self respect by becoming a shell.
He had an appointment to kick off his radiotherapy yesterday so Mum got him up, fed and dressed (a huge task in itself) ready for the transport to St. Thomas' in London. The transport was due to pick him up at midday ready for a two o'clock appointment. The transport didn't show up.
Dad has been promised radiotherapy for five weeks now and he hasn't even been assessed yet. It wouldn't surprise me if he was deemed too weak for it now. This will really get to me as I've been pressing for it for some time. The specialist dad has been seeing went completely tonto when he realised that members of his (new) team had dropped the ball so comprehensively. Now he's an outpatient (Dad's fault, he should have stayed in but that's another issue) I'm not convinced that he's going to get the treatment he needs like this.
When Mum rang St. Thomas' yesterday they said they'd been having problems with their "taxi" service - TAXI? What do they think they're doing? My dad can barely walk, let alone get into a car....
Upshot is that he's been given an appointment today at Queen Elizabeths Hospital in Greenwich with the same specialist he was due to see yesterday. I don't suppose he'll get everything done at this session but it's better than nothing.
I'll see how this goes and then get in touch with the Consultant next week.
On a connected note, it looks like Dad's sister is going to fly in from Australia in the not too distant future. When that happens I'll let you know but I hope Dad holds out for her. She's coming in with her son, David, my cousin and I think they'll be staying for a couple of weeks. I think it's best that she comes in before the end rather than comes in for the funeral. Hopefully she won't be around for that.
I think it's starting to hit home now. Dad is going to die and I don't think it'll be too long if things carry on as they are.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, you don't consider the possibility of your parents being anything other than immortal. My Dad was a six foot two, strong as an ox, 30 year British bobby - his beat was the River Thames. Before that he did nine years in the Royal Navy. To see him as he now cuts me up....
Feb 25 2006 - Updating the family abroad
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Updating the family abroad....
This is the text of an email sent to a relative abroad so he can look at bringing his Mum (dad's sister) up to speed...
---------------
Hey AAA
Here's the gen with nothing held back... How you communicate this to your mum is up to you but please bear in mind that my Mum isn't aware of some of this - Mum *had* already guessed a lot when I told her *most* of it but she probably still hasn't accepted it yet.
1. Dad has a cancer in top node of the stomach. It's quite an aggressive little bastard and is already into his liver and is surrounding his pancreas. These secondaries are the things to worry about as liver and/or pancreas failures are usually fatal.
2. The Consultant says that any numbers we talk about are only "guess-timates" as anything can happen with this kind of thing - he could just succumb or he could rattle on for a while.
3. The chances of Dad being alive in a year are practically zero.
4. Depending on the speed of the cancer we should be looking at a three to six month timescale.
5. They have arranged to do radio-logy/therapy starting next week which will hopefully increase his chances of living longer. No guarantees though.
6. They are unlikely to do a full chemotherapy treatment as the Consultant doesn't believe he is strong enough to withstand it's effects - both during and after.
7. With close family abroad, the Consultant, when he has had to deal with these situations, believes an early visit by relations / partners / siblings is better for *most* people - but your circumstances may be different. He said it is often better for people to visit while the patient is still alive and be able to say "I saw them while they were still chipper and with it and they died X months afterwards" rather than just come over for the funeral. (AAA - I can't tell how BBB will react to this information or even if she can afford to come over. Can you let me know what the travelling situation is likely to be for her? I may be able to help...)
8. Your sister, TTT, is down this weekend, staying with my sister. She said she would talk to or text BBB but I said that I'd already spoken to you about doing it with the information in this email. If you want to talk to her about it beforehand CCC number(s) are +44 1111 111111 or +44 2222 222 222. I have cc'd CCC on this email.
If I think of anything else I'll write again but that's it for now.
Cheers for doing this mate. Take care
Paul
---------------
Writing things like this generates odd feelings. On the one hand it's kind of therapeutic as you are able to write it all down in a very dispassionate way and on the other hand you re-read it and realise you are writing about your own father - that's when it bites and man does it bite...
...sadness overwhelms...
Updating the family abroad....
This is the text of an email sent to a relative abroad so he can look at bringing his Mum (dad's sister) up to speed...
---------------
Hey AAA
Here's the gen with nothing held back... How you communicate this to your mum is up to you but please bear in mind that my Mum isn't aware of some of this - Mum *had* already guessed a lot when I told her *most* of it but she probably still hasn't accepted it yet.
1. Dad has a cancer in top node of the stomach. It's quite an aggressive little bastard and is already into his liver and is surrounding his pancreas. These secondaries are the things to worry about as liver and/or pancreas failures are usually fatal.
2. The Consultant says that any numbers we talk about are only "guess-timates" as anything can happen with this kind of thing - he could just succumb or he could rattle on for a while.
3. The chances of Dad being alive in a year are practically zero.
4. Depending on the speed of the cancer we should be looking at a three to six month timescale.
5. They have arranged to do radio-logy/therapy starting next week which will hopefully increase his chances of living longer. No guarantees though.
6. They are unlikely to do a full chemotherapy treatment as the Consultant doesn't believe he is strong enough to withstand it's effects - both during and after.
7. With close family abroad, the Consultant, when he has had to deal with these situations, believes an early visit by relations / partners / siblings is better for *most* people - but your circumstances may be different. He said it is often better for people to visit while the patient is still alive and be able to say "I saw them while they were still chipper and with it and they died X months afterwards" rather than just come over for the funeral. (AAA - I can't tell how BBB will react to this information or even if she can afford to come over. Can you let me know what the travelling situation is likely to be for her? I may be able to help...)
8. Your sister, TTT, is down this weekend, staying with my sister. She said she would talk to or text BBB but I said that I'd already spoken to you about doing it with the information in this email. If you want to talk to her about it beforehand CCC number(s) are +44 1111 111111 or +44 2222 222 222. I have cc'd CCC on this email.
If I think of anything else I'll write again but that's it for now.
Cheers for doing this mate. Take care
Paul
---------------
Writing things like this generates odd feelings. On the one hand it's kind of therapeutic as you are able to write it all down in a very dispassionate way and on the other hand you re-read it and realise you are writing about your own father - that's when it bites and man does it bite...
...sadness overwhelms...
Feb 6 2006 - Current Status
Monday, February 06, 2006
Current status
Sorry we've not done a cast today. I know we were due to do one and I said we would but my head and heart wouldn't have been in it. I went to see Dad this afternoon and although he was in fine form chatting up the pretty nurses etc I could tell he was not 100% together.
He's received another 2 or 3 pints of blood over the last few days and his internal bleeding will continue until they nuke it with radiology. This is expected to happen early this week - Monday or Tuesday at either St. Thomas' or Barts... The blood (while it stays inside) makes his skin pink and his appetite good. They monitor his blood pressure three or four times a day.
I read the nursing notes at the foot of the bed and the large GI [gastro-intestinal] growth is already into the pancreas and the liver. I cannot beleive that mum and dad don't want to know how long he has got... I do...
Today has been brought to you by the number 14 and the letter U
Current status
Sorry we've not done a cast today. I know we were due to do one and I said we would but my head and heart wouldn't have been in it. I went to see Dad this afternoon and although he was in fine form chatting up the pretty nurses etc I could tell he was not 100% together.
He's received another 2 or 3 pints of blood over the last few days and his internal bleeding will continue until they nuke it with radiology. This is expected to happen early this week - Monday or Tuesday at either St. Thomas' or Barts... The blood (while it stays inside) makes his skin pink and his appetite good. They monitor his blood pressure three or four times a day.
I read the nursing notes at the foot of the bed and the large GI [gastro-intestinal] growth is already into the pancreas and the liver. I cannot beleive that mum and dad don't want to know how long he has got... I do...
Today has been brought to you by the number 14 and the letter U
Posting from Feb - ... I was kind of expecting this
...but it doesn't make it any easier. I spoke to Mum earlier and she confirmed my private thoughts. Dad doesn't have an ulcer. It's stomach cancer. He's staying in over the weekend and getting more blood before he has a radio therapy session on Monday. He'll come home after that and then get into the chemo.
The Consultant says the cancer is treatable but not curable. Apparently it's already in his liver and there are shadows elsewhere. How long has he got? No-one knows at the moment. I'm going to see him tomorrow. What we have to do now is make sure he fights it... Not a great day....
The Consultant says the cancer is treatable but not curable. Apparently it's already in his liver and there are shadows elsewhere. How long has he got? No-one knows at the moment. I'm going to see him tomorrow. What we have to do now is make sure he fights it... Not a great day....
Post from 30 Jan 2006 - Good news and improving news
Sorry I haven't posted for a day or two.Today is brought to you by the letter P and the number 70. I've probably had them before but my Dad is in hospital so I reserve the right to repeat. His first name and last name both begin with the letter P and he is 70.
He's not feeling too good right now as he's received three pints of blood, three packs of saline, an aborted OGD - you really don't want to know about the OGD and why it was aborted.
Right now he's on nil-by-mouth until Wednesday when they'll try the OGD again. So he's worried, hungry (and therefore grumpy - I know where I get THAT from!) and uncomfortable.
He's on the way back though - he's in the right place and receiving brilliant care.
Best wishes Dad from all of us here! XxXxXxX
Now onto some different news:
The exciting thing is that I've been working very closely with a dozen or so podcasters and listeners to produce "Podcast User", the first PDF Magazine dedicated to podcasting. Podcast User will be launched within the next day or two.
From little acorns they say and if the variety of very high quality articles which touch on various aspects of podcasting are anything to go by there really will be something there for everyone.
So the best thing is to watch this space!
Amazingly, given my Dad's position, the Oblique Strategies say "(Organic) machinery" - spooky eh!
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