Feb 25 2006 - Updating the family abroad

Saturday, February 25, 2006
Updating the family abroad....

This is the text of an email sent to a relative abroad so he can look at bringing his Mum (dad's sister) up to speed...

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Hey AAA

Here's the gen with nothing held back... How you communicate this to your mum is up to you but please bear in mind that my Mum isn't aware of some of this - Mum *had* already guessed a lot when I told her *most* of it but she probably still hasn't accepted it yet.

1. Dad has a cancer in top node of the stomach. It's quite an aggressive little bastard and is already into his liver and is surrounding his pancreas. These secondaries are the things to worry about as liver and/or pancreas failures are usually fatal.

2. The Consultant says that any numbers we talk about are only "guess-timates" as anything can happen with this kind of thing - he could just succumb or he could rattle on for a while.

3. The chances of Dad being alive in a year are practically zero.

4. Depending on the speed of the cancer we should be looking at a three to six month timescale.

5. They have arranged to do radio-logy/therapy starting next week which will hopefully increase his chances of living longer. No guarantees though.

6. They are unlikely to do a full chemotherapy treatment as the Consultant doesn't believe he is strong enough to withstand it's effects - both during and after.

7. With close family abroad, the Consultant, when he has had to deal with these situations, believes an early visit by relations / partners / siblings is better for *most* people - but your circumstances may be different. He said it is often better for people to visit while the patient is still alive and be able to say "I saw them while they were still chipper and with it and they died X months afterwards" rather than just come over for the funeral. (AAA - I can't tell how BBB will react to this information or even if she can afford to come over. Can you let me know what the travelling situation is likely to be for her? I may be able to help...)

8. Your sister, TTT, is down this weekend, staying with my sister. She said she would talk to or text BBB but I said that I'd already spoken to you about doing it with the information in this email. If you want to talk to her about it beforehand CCC number(s) are +44 1111 111111 or +44 2222 222 222. I have cc'd CCC on this email.

If I think of anything else I'll write again but that's it for now.

Cheers for doing this mate. Take care

Paul
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Writing things like this generates odd feelings. On the one hand it's kind of therapeutic as you are able to write it all down in a very dispassionate way and on the other hand you re-read it and realise you are writing about your own father - that's when it bites and man does it bite...

...sadness overwhelms...