The Cancer Talks...

I had a pretty horrible experience at the hospital today. I really heard the Cancer inside my dad start talking...

I went up to QEH to see Dad but the person in the bed was not someone I recognised. The angry, rude, and very unpleasant man was not the man - my Dad - who was so charming, happy and witty at the Cancer Clinic last week. I have never heard him say the things I heard him say to my Mum and I today.

They say that Cancer talks - I heard it today. My Mum and Dad have been married for nearly 46 years. Their wedding anniversary is next week. They've had their ups and downs but underlying it there has been love. There was no love in my Dad today.

The hateful things he said made me bite my tongue several times. I can't bring it in me to tell him off. The human being saying those things is NOT the man who is my Dad. That person is my Father but he is not my Dad...

Does that make sense? To me it does. Biologically he is my father - but I don't like him as a person like this. He can't help it - it's not his fault. It's the cancer talking through him, eating him up.

The confused state and the weakness which brought him back into the Hospital were caused by any of the following things. Things like the (strong) morphine based medication; the chemo he has been having or the cancer itself. Any one of these things could cause it - but it's probably all of them in one shade or another.

The main thing I have to do now is make sure of Mum. My sister and I are doing what we can but I wonder if it can ever be enough? She says her training (she was a nurse for some years) helps her manage but I worry. You cannot listen to the things he said today and come away unaffected. I didn't. I will go and see her later this evening and talk it through with her...

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I am sorry but transferring the blog entries to this new weblog meant that the feedback comments and postings were lost. :-(

My apologies for that - they are important to me but I also needed to set some distance between my Dad and my main blog. It is difficult to explain why - may be I am ringfencing my emotions? I don't know...

Here I will continue to post and tell the story but I thought it better (for me?) to keep some distance between them... Thank you all for the emails and comments I receive. I really do appreciate them.

May your God bless you for what you do.

Paul