Slowly fading away...

I just realised the last detailed post was some time ago. Apologies for that everyone.
I thought I'd post the best picture I have of Dad.

In the past week we've had some evidence that Dad is weakening with some increased speed. Earlier this week he had a nasal-gastric tube put up his nose and down into his stomach. Essentially it was to alleviate gas that is building up in his stomach and has been causing some discomfort. We don't know why this gas is building up but the tube gave some relief. He has also been breathing somewhat shallowly and quickly and on Thursday he was put on nasal oxygen to assist his breathing. I guess if you have a cancer growing in the stomach and a load of hydrochloric acid there then some form of reaction will occur.

He has also had a lot of liquid retention, especially in his arms. According to the medical team the best way of reducing this is raise the effected limbs above the heart to allow the liquid to drain back into the rest of the body. However the contortions Dad needs to get into means compression of his chest area and this causes his breathing to be more laboured. They're trying to help - and they're doing a terriffic job - but I can't see how much more they can do.

He's basically immobile now. He can't move himself to any great degree and I think the cataracts that were diagnosed some time ago are coming to fruition. His eyes looked cloudy to me. Either way, when I saw him yesterday, he only vaguely saw me. I'm not sure he recognised me. A small mercy I suppose.

He eats reasonably well but now it's pureed food and Mum stays each evening to give him his Dinner - unless he's asleep of course.

He is slipping away from us I think. I don't know when but I hope it's quick and that he doesn't know about it. On the evidence of the past few days and weeks I think that's a fair guess of what will happen. We just don't know when the "old dos" will pass.

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Mum continues to "bear up" with some resiliance. I think she is still treating this as a Patient / Nurse relationship. Occasionally, and only occasionally, I hear her voice crack when she talk about Dad. I hope she has come to terms with Dad's situation by herself. Whenever I ask she says she's "fine"... I can't help but think this is going to hit very hard.

Sister is having trouble sleeping and has lost weight. She talks to Mum regularly - SMS and voice - but her working hours (home and work!) means she has trouble seeing Dad as often as she would like. I think this affects her too.

Me? I think I've come to terms with Dad's situation. It's very hard to self analyse but I think that the time between diagnosis and now has been long enough to ensure that I have let myself into it gently. We'll see when the time comes - who knows, I may turn into a gibbering heap.

It is a blessing for us that we've had time to get used to the fact that Dad is dying.

Someone once said to me that if someone dies suddenly and quickly it is better for them. It is worse for those left behind as they have that person ripped from them. If a person dies slowly it is better for those left behind as they have a chance to come to terms with their passing but worse for the person as they have to come to terms with their passing too...

True.