One year on....

It's a little over a year now since Dad died.

We carry on doing what we do and looking back fondly to the time when Dad was well, happy and the Grumpy Old Nosni we knew and loved.

Yes he could be grumpy

Yes he could fly off the handle with that renowned Mount Vesuvius of a temper

Yes we had to tip toe around him when he was on one...

But we loved him. We will always love him. Thanks Dad. If they have the internet where you are I hope you can read this!

God bless.

Happy Birthday Dad....

Sorry I can't get you a card this year.

Time moves on...

It's been a while since Dad died and I've not been as vocal since as I was before. I don't know why that is the case - it just is. It is strange though. I mean, I was doing an update every week (at least) and haven't done for a few weeks. Best not dwell - I suppose some psycho-analyst will or could come up with a reason but I don't care.

Since Dad died on the 15th June we've all just kind of gotten on with life. Mum is continuing to bear up really - exceptionally - well. I'm really proud of the way she has carried on since Dad passed. I know that she knows that if she needs me or Sister for anything all she has to do is ask. Mum comes over for dinner most Sundays now and goes for Saturday dinner with Sister.

I haven't been to see her midweek as often as I did before Dad went - it doesn't seem necessary at the moment. The new job hasn't helped though - I've been to Prague and Dublin in the last two weeks. I've not got anything major planned for the next couple of weeks though.

The Probate Application still hangs over me a little. It's one of those things that needs to be done - MUST be done - and it will get done soon. I'll make a promise now -

It Will Be Done By The Weekend of 5th August

There. No breaking that promise eh!

It is funny though. I've managed to create gaps between my memory of Dad as he was when he was fit and healthy, my memory of him dying and dead in hospital and my life now. It's almost like compartmentalising it all but it SEEMS like a continuum... I don't know what that means either but it somehow seems correct. Let me think about that some more.

My Readings...

The following is from Mary, Dad’s sister. She can’t be with us today as she lives in Tasmania, Australia but she and her oldest son David visited us in March to see Dad and to say their farewells. She sent me this email by way of a final farewell:

TO SANDY - MY FAVOURITE BROTHER

What lovely memories we have. Typical of siblings, we fought and we played.

Remember when you had to take me out with you? I was only little so you picked me up and put me behind some railings while you went off to play with your mates

What about the time you held me over the balcony? It was 3 stories up but it never occurred to us how dangerous it was.

How about when I lost my temper and threw a spoon at you? It clipped the back of your neck where you had a very ripe boil…..luckily I had locks on my bedroom door, so you couldn’t get to me….phew!

How about the time we went tobogganing? All we had was a tray! We were having fun when an American couple with a real sled joined us! Boy did we ‘move’ on that! When they had to go they gave us the sled OH BLISS!!

Then, on your 21^st birthday party, I brought along a friend I’d recently made. You two hit it off straight away. I saw very little of her for the rest of the party. Her name was Carol.

When I met Ron, I was a young widow. You wanted to check him out, to make sure he wasn’t going to take advantage of me. You liked him at once and you told me…..”He’s older than me”….

The two of you went for a drink, bringing back some prawns for us all. We were lucky to get the prawns as you had driven back from the pub with the prawns on the roof of the car!

Then there was that visit to the local in Whyteleafe. On the way out of the pub you jumped over the chain link fence and fell over. Ron wondered where you’d got to ‘til he saw your head appearing and you both had a good laugh. You found out the next day that you had broken your wrist…

The best memory of all, forever etched on my mind, is you and Ron fixing Carols glasses. You were holding them and Ron was trying to fix this tiny screw in place. Your faces were so close together - Ron looked at you and planted a kiss on your cheek. It was hilarious! I can’t repeat what you said….

You are gone my love but the memories linger on. I love you brother dear, rest in peace.

The following is a piece written by Zoe, Dad's great-neice:

Uncle Sandy

Uncle sandy, how we know thee;

Always happy, loving, carefree,

Really funny, for us in your family,

And everyone else you used to see,

Always cheerful, Never tearful;

that's how I'll remember thee.

And I'll miss you ; Love 'Zoë

XXxxXX

X

Pictures of Dad

More to come - I'll probably post a link to a Flickr set...

FUNERAL DETAILS

The details are:

12h15 Thursday 29th June at Eltham/Falconwood Crematorium.

Family flowers only please.

Donations to Cancer Research UK, MacMillan Nurses and the Eleanor Nurses. See links on right hand side. The Cancer Research one is a dedicated one for Dad.

More...

Just before Dad died one of his investments matured. The idea was for the money to go to the purchase of a new car. Mum has never bought a car all by herself so I went with her the other Monday to help her choose. This was the day I spent with Mum sorting out the paperwork after Dad's death.

Mum has since done her sums and come to the conclusion that she cannot afford a new car so it's going to be the second hand C3 we saw the first visit. Mum went back to the Citroen garage on Sunday (she's owned two Citroens and likes them so there is no other choice!) to have a test drive of it. She's checked to see if her bows fit it in it - she has a recurve bow and a long bow, about 6feet long) so she had to check if they fit. Talk about a dominant buying feature. If they hadn't fit she wouldn't have bought the car!

Anyway the car was perfect so she decided to buy it there and then. They even took the old Citroen Xantia POS (piece of spit - ahem) in part exchange. She's just texted me to say that the insurance is sorted and she should be picking it up on Saturday. Good for her. It's great to see her taking ownership of a few things.

Must sign off now - I'll update things as and when.

Threshers off licence

I went over to Mum and Dad's house (I'm trying to write Mum's House but it doesn't work at the moment) on Saturday and started the collation process ahead of the Probate Application. Going through Dad's filing system and paperwork was a very strange experience as this was an area which was his sole domain. Anyway, I think I've got 90% of it sorted and down on paper so I'll start the forms once the funeral is over.

=========

Talking of the Funeral, we've gone for an external caterer to feed the folks that turn up. I found her details at the funeral directors place. Lovely lady - she came round to see us when she realised we had reservations about letting a stranger into our house while we were out. Interestingly she came round with her partner/husband in the car because she didn't know who we were! Anyway, we have no reservations about her and we're leaving the key with the next door neighbour so she can come in and set up when we're at the service. So that's one problem sorted.

Anyway, I thought it would be nice to have some alcohol on hand for anyone wanting some on Thursday so I popped into my local Threshers store and spoke to the manager about getting some booze on sale-or-return.

I explained that I was running my fathers funeral from our house (not 200m away) and that I wanted to have enough beers and wine on hand to ensure that no-one went without. I didn't want to have loads hanging around the house afterwards (beleive it or not I hardly drink at home!) so I wanted to do it on a sale-or-return basis. Maybe a few cases of beer, a few bottles of wine and sherry and other stuff - not a lot but enough to cater for 40 people.

At this the "manager" got very sniffy - "well, the wine's on three-for-two at the moment so it won't be included but I suppose I could take a quarter of it back...". A quarter? I'm sorry - correct me if I'm wrong - but isn't sale or return supposed to be about buying the stuff you use or open and taking the rest back? I am very disappointed by this attitude and this lack of interest. I wanted to use a local store because I thought I would get a more personal service. So wrong. It just means I have another issue to sort out which could have been resolved with a little more imagination on the part of the store...

I am now going to get the beer and wine from Sainsbury's or Tesco's. I know they won't be too interested in a sale-or-return but I'd rather take advantage of the fact that their prices will be lower than Threshers. Stuff 'em. No more business to Threshers.

Well done Threshers at the Oval, Sidcup.

====

Uncle Jack and Uncle Les

I took a call from Mum this morning. Dad's Dad had two brothers, Jack and Les. Both these gents are still alive and are around 90 years old. Les is in hospital (I can't recall why) and won't be coming to the funeral but we've now heard that Jack most probably won't be coming either. He has been admitted to hospital himself with acute anemia (sp.?) and has been given six pints of blood. He's in the High Dependancy Unit which can't, itself, be a good sign. Good luck Great Uncle Jack and Great Uncle Les!

As an aside, in my family we have a special present for those people celebrating special birthdays. It started some years ago and the special present is a decorated loo seat. Jack is due to receive it as he was 90 a couple of months ago. Hopefully I can give it to Bryce (his son) on Thursday. We'll see if it is appropriate at the time.

Email from Sister

This was sent by my Sister the other night. I can't think of anything else to add except that I've taken names out as usual.

Paul

----- Original Message -----

From: SISTER
To: AUNT

Cc:

Sent: Sunday, June 18, 2006 11:32 AM

Subject: Hello my darlings..

Hello,

Well, what can I say...

I saw dad last, on Wednesday evening, when mum was helping him to eat his tea. Once finished, mum went to wash her hands. and I saw his right eye was sticky, and the left, watery, so gently wiped them, and told him as with every visit, that I loved him. He looked straight through me, but I knew it was the cataracts that made him stare like that. Anyway, we stayed until dad fell asleep. Then I drove mum to pick her car up, and followed her back home. I had been able, thanks to badger, to visit dad, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday of this week.

Mum informed me that the doctors had decided to take dad off all his normal medication, except for the morphine patches. That was a shocker in itself, as I realised then and there, that dad would have a matter of days left. Thankfully, I didn't let mum know how I felt, but she probably had thought the same when she was told earlier that day.

Well, I Finally got to sleep about 3-30 the next morning, I woke up crying for some reason, and thankfully before the boys woke up... Didn't think much of it at the time, washed my face and got the boys up, and started doing the normal daily school morning routine. As the day progressed, Tears fell, on and off till the time I had to collect the boys... Time flew faster than I realised. So by the time badger got home from work and We'd fed the boys and ourselves, it was too late to visit dad. So I went to mum instead. When I arrived, Mum was on the telephone to Paul. Once she finished talking to Paul, She told me that he was going to try and visit dad after the 8pm closure time of the ward. I told mum about my strange tearful day.

I'm glad the nurses let Paul visit dad..... as I think he'd been busy earlier in the week to visit. Plus I think dad was waiting to say bye bye to Paul. As it was later that same evening that Dad passed away. Mum phoned me and said it was time, Paul kindly collected both of us. We missed dad by minutes, we went to his side & said our fair-wells, Thank goodness dad is now at peace. later we left the hospital and went back to mum's for a cuppa and group cuddles etc. When I got home, Badger was awake and sat with me; anyway- by one-o'clock , We decided to gently wake the boys and tell them the news.. Bless them they took it really well.. I've kept them up-to-date, throughout dad's illness. After about half an hour or so, we took the boys back to bed and gave them long cuddles. We gave them the option of staying home or going to school later that morning, and that they could give us their answer when they woke up.

Well, Paul went to bed at approx 2-30, and I chilled for about hour and a half.

When the boys woke, they decided to go to school as normal. bless them; and Paul phoned his work and took the day off. I was fine all day, couldn't talk to people that telephoned, but I was ok, picked the boys up after school, then decided to phone mum to see if she was ok or if she needed anything...

Alas mum wasn't there to answer, First time in ages... Yes the answering machine came on... I'd forgotten about that.... and yes I heard dad's voice talking to me, for the first time in three to four weeks... F###, I wasn't expecting that... managed to leave mum a message to call back when she was about. put the phone down, and just crumbled.... that was it the tears flowed...

Anyway Saturday was fine went ok, no tears, and none so far today, so fingers crossed I don't start when Terry arrives in approx half hours time.

So that's it for now my loves... will let you know anything when or if it occurs.

Will close now, as I've been waffling for long enough.

Love you all

Take care of yourselves

Love <>

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Down to business

After a weekend in limbo and conversations with Australia (thanks, guys - you were great) I got down to business today. I knew it was going to be a tough day and although it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be it was still hard.

First thing, I drove over to collect Mum and take her to the hospital again. Driving in through the gates brought a lump to MY throat - goodness knows what was going through Mum's mind.

We parked up and walked through to the reception area where we were met by Dawn who took us through to the "Bereavement Office".

What this is is a windowless room with zero character and zero warmth. Essentially this a place where the paperwork starts. Here we got the Medical Death Certificate - which stated what Dad died of, the place and date of death and some doctors signatures. But it enables you to start the process off. We got some extra forms for the funeral directors (to let them collect the body) and for the registrar. All in all it was a pretty horrid experience but it could have been worse. Credit to Dawn for making it softer and easier to go through. Thanks Dawn.

From the Hospital we drove the short distance to Woolwich Town Hall. Dawn had made us an appointment for 11h30 (thanks - we would not have thought of it!) so we got there ages early. We parked in a squallid car park on top of Sainsbury's and walked round to the Town Hall. We had hoped that they would be able to fit us in earlier but it was not to be. "Sorry love, we're fully booked" - sounds like a hotel but never mind.

As we had around 90 minutes to kill I took mum to a Caffe Nero for a coffee. She's never been to a Starbucks or suchlike before so I thought it would be a novelty for her. Quick as a flash she saw the "hot chocolate with marshmallows and double cream" and there was no persuading her away from it! We made short shrift of our respective drinks (mine was an iced coffee concoction which tasted a bit like a vanilla shake) and wandered back towards the Town Hall.

Once we'd whiled away the time, we eventually went in. Repeat admin from hospital and hang around while the Registrar fills in the forms. If you need to do this bear in mind you need the dead persons passport (it was what we were asked for) and some basic information. The real thing needed is the Medical Death Certificate. More hanging around while the things print out (we wanted five proper copies of the Death Certificate) and get signed and we're on our way.

We call in at my house on the way through for a coffee and a rest and recuperate. It's hard work this. It's not so much physically hard work but mentally and emotionally it's knackering.

Off we go again - this time to Sidcup High Street to talk to the Funeral Directors. Mother and Father In Law have recommended W. Uden and Sons and after just a few minutes it's easy to see why they get recommendations. Personal, friendly, but sombre and serious service from a member of the Uden family, Jason. Young lad but very good.

We've set the funeral for the 29th June.

Dad has asked to be cremated and for his ashes to be scattered at the Royal Hospital School Holbrook's Garden of Rememberance - so that's what we're going to do. Dad went there when it was a children of navy personnel school and spent many years there from a young age. He joined the Navy straight out of the Navy School.

The Royal Hospital School is a Public (private, fee paying) school these days but friends of Dads are still in touch with the School so going there should not be an issue.

After that intense 45 minutes we went back to Mum's and she got changed and we went to the Citroen garage - Dad had made investments some years ago which paid out while he was in Hospital and were earmarked for a new car. Mum is keen on another Citroen - maybe a C2 or a second hand C3. Talk about sublime to ridiculous.

A strange day then. Not as bad as I had anticipated but still hard work. Texts from friends have helped and messages received will continue to do so as we move forward toward the Funeral and beyond

Sorry for such a long post but today was an important day. I wanted to get a lot down so I could remember it. If others read it then that's cool too.